Can I Please Have A Doctor's Certificate For Tuesday?

So what happened next?

Well, as I said, it was a Friday afternoon and I was at a clinic having mammograms and ultrasounds. I wasn't that worried about the whole procedure, as I had regularly self examined my boobies (I wasn't the only one that had given them a thorough examination either just quietly...) and just a few weeks earlier I had been to the skin Doctor for a full body check of my moles, and I had passed with flying colours.

So I figured I had nothing to worry about and was basically just indulging my Sister #1.

There was quite a flurry of activity buzzing around me, but I wasn't taking much notice. I knew I had nothing to worry about, and frankly as I hadn't had these tests done in years and years I didn't realize that this wasn't just the usual.

I remember getting asked to move from machine to machine, and then back again. I thought they were just being thorough.

Then when I was getting changed a nurse came in and told me that my GP wanted to see me to discuss my results. I walked out to reception and said;
"Why would he want to see me tonight? I already have an appointment to see him on Monday"

I was then told that he wanted to see me straight away as he didn't want me to 'fret' over the weekend about my results.

As Dr Luke is an ABSOLUTE darling, I thought this was just him being his usual sweetheart self.

Still, no major alarm bells going off.

As it was after 5pm by now and Dr Luke was on the other side of town, I told the receptionist that due to peak hour I wouldn't make it there in time, so I would just see him on Monday.

She told me he was waiting and would be keeping the surgery open until I arrived.

I went outside, jumped in the car and got on the phone to Sister #1 and started bitching and moaning that I had to cross town, in the rain and during Friday peak hour to get my results. By this stage she was starting to get a bit nervous about the whole thing. I suppose I must have been too, but I honestly can't remember feeling that way. I thought at worst I might have had a blocked duct or something as basic as that. But realistically, I didn't think there was even a hint of a problem. SURELY I would have known if something was up.

So I arrived at the surgery, to find that Dr Luke was waiting for me. The surgery was closed. I walked into his office and sat down.

He looked at me and said "there is no easy way to tell you this, but you have breast cancer"

I sat there, waiting for him to tell me that it was just a small blip and could be taken out in a minor procedure.

He then said "It is advanced"

Not knowing what the hell this meant I just sat there. No tears, no emotion.

He then went on to tell me what I had and what would be happening going forward.

I still hadn't said a word.

I then asked me to say something, and all I said was "I'm waiting for the punchline..."

He then told me he couldn't believe how calm I was and I just repeated that I was waiting for a punchline.

He told me there was no punchline and that I had a "really hard time ahead of me". He then asked me if there was anyone he could call, so we called Sister #1 and spoke to her on speaker phone.

He then told me that he wanted to send me to a particular specialist. She's expensive, but the best, he told me. Throw in that she only takes limited patients and he mightn't be able to get me in and I was SOLD!

Oh Dr Luke...you know me so well...

I had a meeting with my boss on the upcoming Tuesday, so I asked for a Doctor's Certificate as I wanted to be in top form for my meeting, and with a Doctor's Certificate I could put it back by a few days until after I had got all this pesky boob problem out of the way.

He looked at me and said "Tuesday? You want a certificate for Tuesday? I don't think you understand, you wont be going back to work for quite some time..."

Yeah sure... As if!